Shattered part of my life

She was always with me. The age gap is so small that whatever childhood incident I recollect she’s a part of it. I don’t have any memories prior to her existence. I was always the protective and possessive elder sister. Love between us stood as an example of how sibling relationship should be. We were always there for each other. Even one of my painful childhood memories is associated with her when a senior girl beat her at back in the sake of show off. Still the thought of it make me sad as I couldn’t avenge my little sister. During teenage days too we never hid any secrets from each other. It was beautiful relationship to cherish for lifelong. Then suddenly he came to my life and I being not that selfless got my focus shifted towards him. I tried to spent more time with him and unknowingly I ignored my sweetheart’s feelings. Even though I didn’t notice initially but after joining job, I got separated from her and distance in our relationship widened . I was not there for her when she needed me. I was more self centered in my life and making things work for me. From there it was just downfall for our bond which I guess I took it for granted. I realized after long that I lost her and I was no more important part or rather not a part of her life. I completely blamed myself but damage was already done and there was no place for amendment. It went to worst phase when we had kids and thanks to the maid who compared our kids and accelerated shattering of our relationship. Once which was the envious relationship of sister bond turned to a complete stranger path. She started to loath me to an extend that she’s not visiting her own home just for the sake of avoiding me. If she’s ever ready to hear me out, I want to make her realize that I’m not selfless which made me do all those mistakes and regardless of whatever churns we had in life, I do care for her. She was the first love of my life which I will always treasure in my heart. There were very few heart breaking instances in my life and I had cried my heart out twice when I realized she has gone very far from me. I know it’s the end of everything from her side as shattered pieces can never be rejoined without cracks. Today on her 30th birthday I just wish she can read my mind once so that she can know what she was to me, she’s to me and she will be to me. 

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