2021… Perfect example of lockdown impact. While posting this I realized, I have not posted for almost a year now. This shows the impact on imagination and creativity. People are lacking innovation and change in their lifestyle. Life has become monotonous inside four walls of the house. Even though I don’t agree completely, but I can feel the limit I have been facing in each and every step. For me 2021, gave some new experiences. Freshness of new home, joy of making new friends, reinstating long gone passion. It helped me to dig out my desire which was buried for a decade. I have accustomed to this easy going life but i still wish for a damakedaar 2022.
2020 like the rare symmetry in the name was rare too. Noone would have imagined that they will witness such a year. All thanks to covid-19 everyday was limited to just the normal routine with no surprises. Internet played the role of God which kept life to move on and families to be intact. I never thought whatever I felt to be prosperous always can take a downfall. Setting aside the surprise factor, it was a great year for me in parenting and professional perspective. I hope 2021 will bring back the old days.
PS – New year post is kinda by default. I was writing this for pretty long but unfortunately posting it after so long. It’s anyways better to be late than never.
You astonished me
Turning illusion to reality
Just like those sci-fi movies
You conquered the whole world
People were caged at home
Soldiers marched through streets
You amazed me
Turning the need ‘travel’ to inessential
Erasing the words Tourism and Airlines
You made it to collapse
Bringing back primitive life
Which is just meant for survival
You surprised me
Turning tainted world to virtuous
Bringing a stop to man made disasters
You restrained nature’s purity
Letting nature take revenge
In it’s own sweet unique style
You startled me
Prioritizing relation over self
Sidelining work and learnings
You restored meaning of family
Forcing people to stay under one roof
To redefine the relationships
You astounded me
Turning one whole year to monotonous
Changing modus operandi of living
You proved life moves on by taking a detour
Irrespective of adverse happenings
To reach the predefined destinations
There is this place which I wanted to make my destiny, where I wanted to get settled. However, life won’t give you everything you desire or wished for. It flows in its own pace which none can control. My first trip to this place was around 11 years back. It was short and unplanned but memorable. Second trip was around 7 years back to visit my sister who got settled there. I had added few sight-seeing as part of that trip and got a chance to visit an iconic place. While roaming around the place, a residential complex caught my attention. Complex was at prime location and was not affordable at all. I wished it would have been good if I get an opportunity to live in that community for at least a day. Today, when I sit beside the lake of the complex and living there for more than a month, I feel it was really worth it. It’s not the posh environment that attracted me but the calmness and surrounded sereneness. It’s magical. It’s always nice to sit beside a lake every evening during pleasant weather and listen to your favorite songs. Being embraced with cold and chill wind, it’s always refreshing for me. Icing to the cake is the multiple fountains in the lake and surrounding along with festive lighting all over place and trees. Even though it was just an instant wish which was long forgotten realizing it happened for real makes me believe that miracles still happen. Wait was long but still it goes with the saying It’s better to be late than never.
You came with lots of hope,
Surrounded by colors of rainbow
Little I know those colors converge,
To show light to the path of loss
You killed the inner perfectionist in one shot,
Leaving only place for regret and sorrow
What happens to be fool proof prior plans,
Ended up in state of despair and randomness
Erasing the flavor of success achieved,
Through millions of awesome plans
You killed the long ambition in heart,
Snatching it mercilessly from hand
Leaving a complete vacuum inside,
As it was rightfully desired and earned
It left an urge to question even,
Transparency of crystal clear water
You killed the aspiration in life,
By giving away the hard earned gem
That too with a heavy mind,
Without a tear and gesture of sigh
Feelings to yearn something in future,
Ended up getting buried deep forever
You are still in beginning phase,
Still you crushed everything to powder
Now it’s a nightmare to imagine,
What is in store ahead in darkness.
It was the holiday season of the year and I can say I made most out of it. There were few family trips planned back to back and I made sure the trips were worthwhile. These visits also involved going to elderly relatives of in-laws. Drawback of these family trips is that you will be worn out and with a kid around you won’t get enough time to revive. During these downtime, office is my only savior where I can get some personal space and time. I know office will be mostly empty during this time but I had anyways two meetings to attend which was pretty important. I woke up to a rainy morning on the day I planned to make my office visit. Thus, clash of opinion started between my heart and brain. Heart was cent percent sure that meetings will get cancelled but brain was with the opinion of giving it a try. Work from home has become equivalent to impossible with her around. Whatever be the scenarios the motherly feeling inside, urge me to sit with her whole day. I was indulging in these confusions when I saw ping from someone in official chat group. Operations manager requested me to take a small session on career aspirations to our associate team on that day afternoon. I acknowledged with a yes immediately on the thought of addressing a small group of people won’t be a big deal. I never had the clue on what that black box request will reveal. When I reached office, my eye caught a poster which was there in all notice boards in my floor. I was astonished when I read the content. Oh man! This career aspiration session appears to be an org wide initiative and senior managers will also be part of it. I was still recovering from the shock that a mail with time and venue details of the session popped up. Wow! welcome mail has also come. I felt I will be screwed today. Suddenly the to list of mail caught my attention. Alas there are some common names there. I ran to those guys to understand the depth of the function. I felt relieved that they too is going for a plain speech without any presentation. I was bewildered that they were informed 4-5 days prior about the session. How come I was alone missed out? Shit! Suddenly I remembered. That manager had pinged me few days back but I was so busy in my outings that I missed to reply. Everything made sense now. Anyways being a senior person I never had the option to turn down the request. Getting invitation few days prior may have helped in preparing myself or would have been of no use too. Now as the seriousness of the session hit me, I decided to prepare for my “speech”. I noted down few points and took a print out of it as it can come handy. Finally the “D-time” arrived. I was supposed to be 3rd or 4th speaker. As the guest of honor took more than allotted time, whole list of speakers got shuffled and somehow, it happened that I was the one who was going to kick start on the career session speeches. While they were admiring me on my career life, I walked to the Dias cursing myself on why I mentioned to that manager that I need to leave early for the day. Just because of that they called me first. Whole environment has given me an adrenaline rush. I know I looked totally pale when I stood facing the audience. The view from there is always frightening for me at least for the first few minutes. I somehow picked myself up and began with my “little speech”. I was accompanied by one of my ex teammates in Dias while I was addressing the audience. I felt that he was my backup in case I didn’t agree for their late request. I was satisfied at the end of my talk as I felt I was able to bring some light on the broader and deeper perspective of the role. I don’t know whether it was useful for them though. My expectation was on receiving some memento but as any other official conference it got wrapped up by the snack box. I was on cloud nine when my senior manager said “Speech was good”. Anyways, whether it was genuine appreciation or not will remain unknown.
New year post is a never miss one for me. It’s always better to be late than never. It has become a recurring dialogue for past few years that it “appeared to be the fastest” year. As it looks like all the coming years will be the same, I’m keeping aside that phrase from this year. Life has become hectic with full of responsibilities so days running away is no longer a surprise. So, coming back to 2019, what I can say about you. You are my US dream fulfillment year. It’s the first time I was away from her for more than a day. Separating from her was painful. Even though it neutralized all the excitement I had for years of going, still I made sure my travel checklist is done. 2019 was a year of travel satisfaction. Even within the country and local trips with family are memorable. Other major turn outs happens to be owning a second flat, my kid’s first year of school, undergoing a minor surgery with lots of drama and loses, career stagnation due to multiple manager changes, witnessing the reality of water crisis, first ever experience of becoming an invited speaker of a career aspiration function and list goes on. Overall it was another good year to cherish and has given hopes to look forward for the coming year. It’s bit disturbing that the new year started with uncertainties in all phases of life – career, parental & personal. My wish for 2020 is that let everything fall into place as expected and no new challenge arouse over the same. Fingers crossed…
It was an observed trend of my current company that people get at least a chance to visit overseas as part of business trip. It was like a mandatory practice for employees to visit the headquarters in America after completing 1 year or so. It was one of my life goals to travel around the world and it was just perfect opportunity to start with. That too thought of a solo trip to other part of the world was awesome. Unfortunately, it was my bad luck that I joined a team where the manager itself never got a chance to travel abroad. I almost lost hope. After 4 years in company, I got 3-4 chances to travel which I had to politely decline as she was too small. I was adamant on traveling at least once though. After 2 more years, when I became confident that I can leave her with my parents for few days, I took courage to ask my manager on business travel. He replied positive and asked me to come with a plan. It was that time I had to undergo surgery and again it felt like a lost dream. A series of events happened after that re-org, multiple manager changes. As business travel became one of my ambitions or can say it raised to a level of need, I presented my request again to my new manager. Unlike before everything happened in a short span of time. I booked my tickets and hotel and within 2 weeks or so I was waiting in airport for my flight. Even though leaving her was painful, whole trip was worth in all means. Definitely I will love to travel again if I get a chance but I will be fine if I don’t get any either. I always dreamt of celebrating at least one of my birthdays overseas but never got a chance in past 30 years. I felt overwhelmed when I got to celebrate my 6th service anniversary in company in USA.
She was always with me. The age gap is so small that whatever childhood incident I recollect she’s a part of it. I don’t have any memories prior to her existence. I was always the protective and possessive elder sister. Love between us stood as an example of how sibling relationship should be. We were always there for each other. Even one of my painful childhood memories is associated with her when a senior girl beat her at back in the sake of show off. Still the thought of it make me sad as I couldn’t avenge my little sister. During teenage days too we never hid any secrets from each other. It was beautiful relationship to cherish for lifelong. Then suddenly he came to my life and I being not that selfless got my focus shifted towards him. I tried to spent more time with him and unknowingly I ignored my sweetheart’s feelings. Even though I didn’t notice initially but after joining job, I got separated from her and distance in our relationship widened . I was not there for her when she needed me. I was more self centered in my life and making things work for me. From there it was just downfall for our bond which I guess I took it for granted. I realized after long that I lost her and I was no more important part or rather not a part of her life. I completely blamed myself but damage was already done and there was no place for amendment. It went to worst phase when we had kids and thanks to the maid who compared our kids and accelerated shattering of our relationship. Once which was the envious relationship of sister bond turned to a complete stranger path. She started to loath me to an extend that she’s not visiting her own home just for the sake of avoiding me. If she’s ever ready to hear me out, I want to make her realize that I’m not selfless which made me do all those mistakes and regardless of whatever churns we had in life, I do care for her. She was the first love of my life which I will always treasure in my heart. There were very few heart breaking instances in my life and I had cried my heart out twice when I realized she has gone very far from me. I know it’s the end of everything from her side as shattered pieces can never be rejoined without cracks. Today on her 30th birthday I just wish she can read my mind once so that she can know what she was to me, she’s to me and she will be to me.
Finally, the day has arrived. I was waiting to watch Avengers:Endgame for long. While I was on my way to movie with my team mates, I got a call from my younger sister. She called me to inform that she and her husband is going to Thailand for a week long vacation. I was totally surprised and asked her about her kid. I still remember after our European trip she clearly told me she won’t plan for any vacation unless her kid is more than five years. To my shock, she replied that she won’t be taking her kid with her. It looks like her husband want some time to relax and taking kid means they have to worry for her food and health. Her husband made his parents to agree to take care of their kid. Even though the turn of events was unsettling within me, I replied okay and wrapped up the call. Few visions from past started to surface in my mind. There was a time when I wanted to go to Bhutan trip as part of annual team outing which I had to cancel just because neither my parents or in-laws were ready to take care of my child. No-one was supportive. Atleast I can let it go as it was just a trip but what about delaying my surgery. Once I stopped lactation, I wanted to undergo the cyst removal surgery but no-one gave me the confidence on looking after my kid. My mom had issues with taking leave and my mother in law was afraid of loosing her sleep at night. All these confusions ended up in a tragedy. My cyst got twisted and I had to undergo an immediate surgery. Price I paid for it was going through labor pain again and missing my cousin’s wedding for which I had made numerous plans. I was brought back to reality when cab stopped as we reached the multiplex. I realized I had a sarcastic smile on my face throughout the flashback in mind. Funny part is there was no support for undergoing a life threatening operation but there is full support for going on a vacation. Life is always unfair and stranger than a fiction.