Chaos

I always had this strong feeling that I can control my life to an extent. Last two months were pathetic and was proving me wrong in all sense. I still remember the preparations I did for my cousin’s wedding. There were numerous plans made and ways to execute it. Everything took a U turn when I fell ill in train on the way to wedding and had to undergo an emergency surgery. All plans, dreams and wishes were washed away in a split of a second. It followed with two weeks of bed rest during which I became a die-hard fan of Game of Thrones. There were many times people have suggested me to watch the series but I always denied them as it’s full of savage and intimate scenes. It so happened the story, screenplay and twists overcame all the negative aspects. After weeks of relaxation, it was difficult to return to work, not only due to laziness but also as surgery took a physical toll. Then as a nuclear bomb re-org mail from VP came which nullified all the changes made in last one year. I felt these changes won’t affect me and I may start reporting to my old manager again. The twist happened when another manager suggested me on taking up the BI manager role. I always aspired to grow to next level and answer was certainly a negative from my side. I had double thoughts when some of my colleagues and friends suggested it to be a better role. I have no clue whether manager role is the cup of tea to me. If I take up the role now, it will be an actual waste of the work I did. It was more of a risk than an opportunity for same job level. I felt it’s a good deal to consider after getting to next level. I was formatting on the response to be given to that person without causing any negative impact. It went in vain as I didn’t have to give any explanation. The same person pulled me within a week to convey that I will be reporting to him but handling the same set of tasks. Even though that person has good insight of business and management, I have trust issues with him so reporting to him appeared to be a challenge for me. The recent change of managers brought an end to any progress on my promo doc. I did a blunder by setting up meeting to deal with the new org setup and path forward with my official mentor. Instead of boosting my self-confidence, he completely erased my optimistic view over my promotion. My professional tasks have also come to a standstill due to some blockers and issues. This brought me back to square one. In parallel, the new home acquisition is creating lots of fuzz. Both my professional and personal life looks to be in a complete turmoil & my brain and mind appears to lose it judgements.

Note – Even this post came out as a mess.

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